How I feel about my first relationship

1st January of this year was kinda different than others because it was my first time spending new year without family. My friend invited me and my best friends to a new year's party so of course we said yes, why not. We never drank with strangers before so this was something new. They kept saying we are gonna be there few hours then leave but I was excited to meet new people so I wasn't with them in this.. I'm like shyest person in world so I couldn't wait to get drunk as fuck, as I love it. So we are there drunk, me the most as always, and there was this guy I noticed because of some red stuff on his head and I was like look at this playboy, and I started to make fun of him for wearing that evil thing on his head and then we started to talk and shit, i was still making fun of him for everything he said, but i wasnt mean, it was like, friendly fun you know.. After some time we started to make out and shit and he wanted to fuck me but im like no, fuck you, because, obviously, i was virgin what he thought was not true.. My friends got mad at me for me acting like a slut, but i told him milion times to leave me alone, for i didnt want no dick i just wanted to make new friend i wanted to have fun, just dance and that kissing was kinda forced till i started to like it. In a nutshell, we somehow ended up together and love each other to death. But back in presence, after almost 7 months, I lost my best friends because of him, my life  is fucked up, im fucked up and upset and shit.. I love him but only thing i ever wanted was to get drunk with best friends. I want to let him go so bad, but i cant, i love him so much and he loves me. But rather than to be loved id want to be understood and he aint my soulmate at all.. I fucked up my life brutally and im so sorry. I dont know whats gonna happen next but i want my friends back which is impossible, i want to get drunk and never fuck again, never give a shit about any boy. I lost myself totally. So how I feel about my first relationship - if this is gonna end ever, id never date anyone again, in my life because i finally know what my priorities are, and having partner aint one. So, wish me luck, i'll need it.